Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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