He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
