the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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