That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
