If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize