still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
