dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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