Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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