it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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