Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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