____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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