I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
