I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
two words: eviction party
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
