Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
