Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.