If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dating After Heartbreak
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.