I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".