the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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