i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize