my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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