Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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