My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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