I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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