every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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