And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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