Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
