The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wear drunk well.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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