I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize