Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
