I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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