Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
