dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
