I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
