She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
