Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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