just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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