We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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