i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
