I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
