Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
