Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
