Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
