The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
