Plan B is the new Plan A
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
