What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
