im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
how does that bad decision feel?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
