that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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