i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize