But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
