So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
