so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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