If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
