My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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