the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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