I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
