shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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