I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
