For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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