We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
